Achieving sanity through apathy
Solipsism is the philosophical idea that only one's mind is sure to exist. As an epistemological position, solipsism holds that knowledge of anything outside one's own mind is unsure; the external world and other minds cannot be known and might not exist outside the mind. – wikipedia
Background
Being an immigrant student in Germany puts you in weird places; You see and encounter different people. Sometimes weird sometimes super awkward. Overlay current events, cultural info, stereotypes and local happenings and this becomes somewhat fascinating even. The other day when an apartment viewing was organized by my ex-flatmate, I met another immigrant pursuing a bachelors here! Even though I felt old when he addressed me as elder bro, I couldn't help but see a troubled young guy going through stressful stuff alone. I didn't know what to say when he asked for advice on what to do regarding his housing arrangements. Should have said smtg, damn. Well then time to –> Drink wine and sleep
Now, couple of days earlier, a slightly older stranger approached me asking for money, saying he was famished. I never carry any change –> couldn't help –> felt bad later. Hmph..Drink wine and sleep
How am I to know the extent and depth of other people's experience faithfully with my mind?
Noticing
These two are just zoomed-in normal events I'd say. For those times when I try to tune into stuff that is happening around me, I am beyond saddened –> kids getting slaughtered, war, human rights violations, racism, labour exploitation, corporate greed, AGI, polarization, quest to immortality and so on.
All of this is, information communicated and my mind is processing the representations of what this suffering would be like, I have no way of actually knowing it 100%. I am scared to experience it anyway. That is somehow fanning my retreat inside.
This can, however be fixed easily by refusing to focus on the said things. Is this lethargy or me being just indifferent to things beyond my control or general apathy established already? My frustration originates from a number of things happening in the world for which i have no say in, yet happens, much to my dismay.
This is not an attempt at virtue signaling or being holier than thou thru writing. Amidst all these numbing voices, how can I rest? Should I selectively switch off some things and actively champion the cause for certain others? for those ones which feel easy to win? Pointless, playing it safe? Why not go reckless and battle it out? Like those spirited activists? Would it matter at all? Am I looking for impact or a way to offload inaction-guilt?
Bust and boundaries
I don't wanna cite examples but compassion fatigue is real tbh. Look at these for instance -
i. if you care about abc ... you should also care about xyz
ii. all eyes on xxx
iii. pray for 123
iv. a+b matter
Relatable template? I mean no disrespect here, but seriously the moral demand is at an all time high. How can I keep up with infinity number of things?
Problem here is I am getting autonomous apathy. I am here trying to make it voluntary.
Why not preemptively put some checks in place? –> protect yourself?
But how far to go with boundaries? Some rules employed at will can easily put you in a bubble. I have lived in fraternity houses where I have seen this bubble transforming into consensus seeking chambers. While they might mean well, end of the day when you're being honest, you will see the issue.
What do i mean by apathy?
Apathy would be the overwhelming numbness. To certain things and outcomes if you will. Even if you wanted to assess a situation you just can't, you're unable to. In this way it becomes slightly different from indifference or nonchalance. There you weigh in and opt not to be concerned. The idea here is to invoke apathy as some sort of metaphysical tool to help one proceed in life. The way I have defined makes it a bit involuntary, but come to think of it, if faced with something so often and you understand it well enough, you would know how to use it too. Why not just simply disregard/not-give-a-fuck? Possible, but you fool yourself to think you have a say in the matter. YOU DON'T in most cases. And one should look at ways on how to be fine with that. That is the goal of this write up.
Apathy isn't a last resort
I sense that a lot of smarter and wise people are themselves afraid to speak out, I mean why risk it all in what seems to be an increasingly zero sum game? But, caring about stuff makes life beautiful and extremely meaningful. That is my current outlook. Boy, am I in for a bad beating! I feel like I am. Some would say first stand steadily on your own and then focus on the service aspect. Now personally my own shit is catching up to me. I am rolling with the punches here. If I say apathy is the only thing left then I have accepted defeat completely. Such a nihilistic take should be avoided. No, it would not be my refuge.
I might be wrong here but apathy happens because a single mind is surrounded by infinite demands like those mentioned above. As powerful as your mental being can be, it has got its limit. So apathy almost is structural, not a defensive stand. It also is not sheer laziness, let alone being outright selfish.
Is there strategic apathy even?
This is like an oxymoron. Apathy imply not caring. So how can I combine them? The objective would be to acknowledge outside world completely and also explicitly the limited capacity of human mind. Things could matter, it could not, I genuinely can't know for sure. This might be the peak-cope I have ever devised, but the alternative where you get washed up isn't useful to anyone, least myself. I honestly don't know how to resolve this.
If solipsism says nothing outside my mind can be known for sure, then apathy can also be a crude practice of it. I stop looking for meaning in strangers dilemma and hunger and only trust what I control. My mind. I look for certainty there. There I find my sense of obligation and eternal responsibility.
Apathy if played right doesn't require doubting reality like this. You retain emotional weight on topics you hold dear and bypass your lack of say. Then hibernation and slumber is A-okay.
- 𝒶
